My strength has been tested time and time again. The last 5 years of my life consisted of tremendous emotional and physical pain.

I found myself at a dead end for answers all while medical bills kept accumulating. My young age clouded the judgement of healthcare providers. I suffered through my first miscarriage at the age of 20, I am now 25. 8 losses later, still no answers and all my husband and I are left with is a heavy heart, daily questions and an enormous debt. My husband and I are currently paying off a debt from multiple Dilation and Curettage (D&C) surgeries, weekly ultrasounds, numerous blood tests, and genetic and chromosomal testing on the fetuses.

My name is Andrea Leon and I have lived through 8 pregnancies that have all lead to miscarriage.

As newly-weds, my husband and I, rented a tiny room in a basement in Utah. I got pregnant right away, late in the first trimester was when we received the news of our first miscarriage. Little did we know this would not be our last heartbreak. Our premature marriage took a massive hit emotionally and financially. I did not have health insurance at the time and I had trouble miscarrying on my own. Once the pregnancy was over, our mailbox was filled with medical bills. Debt collectors kept calling because of our delayed payments. We sacrificed buying food and other necessities to help pay off the emergency D&C I had to have.

Later pregnancies included weekly ultrasounds, numerous tests, bed rest and weeks of work without pay. Trying to live our day to day lives with heavy hearts was emotionally draining. Falling into a hole of debt made things even worse.

After seeing over fifteen doctors in numerous different specialties we were exhausted but still hopeful. At the tender age of twenty-one and after four losses I started my journey with Shady Grove Fertility. After diligent questioning and testing I had two IUI’s that did not result in pregnancy. Though I have lost so much, I am persistent with my journey to start a family with the love of my life.

Over the years, I have learned to wipe my tears and keep moving forward. A few weeks ago my last pregnancy was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage. My husband and I were ecstatic days leading up to the holidays knowing that we were blessed with another child. On Christmas Eve I had to be strong around my family as I knew I carried my deceased child and was pending another D&C.

I felt a rollercoaster of emotions swinging back and forth from emptiness to guilt to disappointment to hopelessness to animosity. I would spend sleepless nights wondering: Why me? Why us? Why again? Are we running out of answers? Should I still have hope? Have we hit a dead end? It is hard enough surviving emotionally during these times but facing my reality at church and work was yet another milestone I had to learn to cope with. I became the face of pity and ignorant comments around people who knew my indescribable and heartbreaking situation. I never thought having a bathroom stall to run into and cry in quietly would become such a safe haven to me. I make excuses to avoid baby showers, gender reveal gatherings and birthdays. I constantly catch myself fighting off jealousy toward my friends in their pregnancy journeys.

Despite all this, I will continue to press forward as my story continues.

My advice to mothers who are suffering through a loss: It’s okay to cry, get angry and grieve but don’t stay there. You future babies are depending on you!

• Go on a trip, even if it’s a just a local hotel stay
• Have a productive plan for yourself every day, depression loves to creep up the moments we are alone and bored.
• Talk to someone. Do not bottle up your feelings.
• Remember that this was NOT your fault
• Please call the suicide hotline if you need to speak to someone about your thoughts. You matter! tel:1-800-273-8255 (Available 24hrs everyday)

I have been open about my journey on social media and with friends/family. I have been able to cope with my own losses by sharing awareness and helping others cope with their pregnancy losses.

No matter what kind of hell your going through to start a family, don’t you give up! ❤️

**If you would like to donate toward our IVF-Surrogacy journey, our Venmo info in on the home page.

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This Precious photo of me carrying my last pregnancy weeks before diagnosed as a missed miscarriage

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